I’m not really sure if anyone is following this journey of mine, but if you are, you know the condition roadhouse was in when we moved in. It truly was a humbling experience for me. Since this season of our lives has come to a close I am going to put myself out. I think now that I am through the thickness of that season and have come to the point of reflection I can really see what has changed in my heart. Moving into that house was hard, like really messy ugly hard. There was a part of my heart that had not yet been broken for Jesus, he knew what He was doing by using an ugly old broken down house to make this heart of mine healed.
Those dark parts of my heart were weighed down heavy with Materialism. The ‘Perfect Picture’, new husband, adorably start up home, and cute wife with an awesome wardrobe; things that have been engrained in my brain since I was a little girl. We arrived in California from our honey moon and walked into Road House and reality hit, and it hard. My dream was never coming true, we would be living in a house that was not even fit for a mountain get away, my standard were high. Over the next couple weeks I cried, I pouted, and I complained. I mostly complained to my new husband, who I was already putting way too much pressure on to provide for these unrealistic dreams of mine. After I realized crying, pouting, and complaining was only making matters worse I did what I should have been doing all along. I gave all my ugly feelings to the Lord. I prayed through all of my feelings, and the answers I got were profound.
‘It doesn’t matter what other people think, it doesn’t matter where you are, it doesn’t matter how much money you have, or how nice or how big your house is, I SEE YOU, MY LOVE is sufficient, and I WILL PROVIDE for all of your needs’. In order for this lesson to be learned I had to be stripped of everything that was normal and comfortable. I would have never chosen to learn this lesson but now I am not sure I can live without it. In living a dependent life, HIS provision is easily seen.
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